Divorce can be quite tragic. It changes lives and can create feelings of inadequacies, failure and lack of self-worth. We find that talking and sharing stories can be quite therapeutic. These are real stories of real people who experienced divorces under the age of 40 usually in the early thirties. We believe that via sharing, the individuals can get closure and healing. We also believe that readers can learn, people can get hope, learn pitfalls and become better at their marriages. 

My Divorce Story: Look Before You Leap

My name is Lillian and My Divorce Story is really painful. I lost my parents at an early age and kept moving from one relative’s house to another. I managed to get to OND level in my education and that was it. Nobody had time for me I had to find a way to do things for myself. I started doing business quite early to take care of myself. I had a sibling but after our parent’s deaths, we were separated and I didn’t have the opportunity to really bond with her. That made me sad, still does.

I learnt to make snacks and hair. This was how I survived school. I had bad relationships because there was really no one to guide me. Men took me for granted; used me and dumped me. I still lived with my uncle and his wife who kept reminding me of the favour they were doing me by letting me stay with them. I desperately wanted my own home. Life was too hard.

I was on my way to do a clients’ hair when I met my now ex-husband. He drove a nice car and looked charming. I was surprised that someone like him would stop me. He came to visit a friend who lived beside my client. We got talking and he said it was marriage he wanted and He didn’t want to waste time on an unnecessarily long courtship. He was an importer of spare parts and doing well for himself.

He started buying me gifts. I was elated. Things turned around for me. My relatives were happy that I had found a rich man. I met my husband’s mother and siblings only twice before we wedded.

I got pregnant almost immediately and I delivered a beautiful baby girl. My mother in law came to stay with me after the birth. That’s when I got to know something about my hubby. He took everything his mother and siblings said without consulting me even when it had to do with us.

Whatever they told him was what he did. That was really frustrating. I may discuss an issue with him and then he straight up tells his family. The next thing that would happen was a sudden change of plans. He also made me stop my hair making and snacks business.

The Road to My Divorce Story

A year after my daughter was born, I got pregnant again. His sister came to stay for some weeks. I was about three years older than she was. She would just take things without asking even when those things were clearly kept for her brother.

One day my husband took a trip out of town for two days. His sister stayed out late one night and I kept trying her line desperately to find out where she was. She did not answer my calls, then at about 10:30 pm. I heard a knock. She had returned. I was angry and I warned her never to try that again. I asked why she didn’t answer my call. She said “I’m an adult and this is my brother’s house you cannot control me’.

When my husband returned I told him about the incident and he said he’d look into it. The next thing I heard was that I slapped her. To say I was shocked is an understatement. If he didn’t believe her it wouldn’t have been a problem but he took her word against mine. I have never been a violent person. It had never crossed my mind to hit my sister in law. The issue of staying out late was never addressed and to make matters worse, their mother called me and abused me.

After my second daughter was born, my husband became rather distant. He would stay out late and when he returned, he would not eat what I had prepared. I tried to find out why but he did not open up.

One day we were to attend a wedding together along with his brother, I got into the front beside him and expected his brother to sit behind. The brother refused and rather than support me, my husband asked me to go behind or forget the wedding. I then knew I was not welcome in that family.

His brother made fun of me that I had not produced a son. To make matters worse, I got pregnant again and had another girl. My mother in law called me and asked: “what’s the matter?” Why are you not giving us a son? I told her it was God who gave children.

My husband began to talk roughly to me at every opportunity. I became sad and withdrawn again. My uncle and aunty could not do much they advised me to endure. I started thinking of returning to business. I began to save up from the housekeeping money he used to give me, I sold some of my expensive jewellery and I listened to business seminars on television as much as I could. Little did I know that all these would actually become a necessity.

My Divorce Story completed

I avoided getting pregnant as I wasn’t sure of the kind of people I had as a family anymore. My husband impregnated another woman and sadly for me she had a boy.

My in-laws wasted no time in making her move in. They pampered and treated her like an angel while I was left alone. Only my daughters kept me going. My husband moved to the guest room with her. One day my husband served me with divorce papers. I almost killed myself. I asked God whether he brought me into this world to torment me.

Luckily, I got a good lawyer to represent me, thanks to my family. My husband is paying for the upkeep of the girls and my upkeep until I remarry. I’m back to my business. I was able to get a decent apartment in a very nice neighbourhood thanks to the money I saved up.

I have moved on from that toxic relationship. It took me embracing Christianity for real, to cope with all the events. Don’t jump into marriage, do your homework.