Divorce can be quite tragic, it changes lives and can create feelings of inadequacies, failure and lack of self-worth. We find that talking and sharing stories can be quite therapeutic. These are real stories of real people who experienced divorces under the age of 40 usually in the early thirties. We believe that via sharing, the individuals can get closure and healing. We also believe that readers can learn, people can get hope, learn pitfalls and become better at their marriages. If you feel like sharing, Please send to articles@davinadiaries.com.
Life Before Divorce
My name is Brian and I would love to share my divorce story. Mine is rather pathetic as both our parents were ministers in the church and are still married! In most divorce stories, the men are made up to be monsters but there some evil women too as you are going to find out.
I met my wife in school. We were not in the same department but we had one or two courses we took together. I was a year ahead of her in school. A friend of mine introduced me to her one day when we were in the cafeteria. We did not start dating until years after I had graduated. I later discovered that our hometowns were just a few miles from each other. She seemed nice enough and I met her parents, who like mine were ministers. My siblings and I had been raised in a certain way. My parents were very strict and were disciplinarians. It rubbed off greatly on me. I was not the partying or womanizing type. Before I married Demilade, I had only dated two ladies previously.
Demilade’s parents were equally strict but it seemed it had a different effect on her unlike me. I got to find out later that she was very promiscuous and loved partying. I had not been close to her in school and as such did not get to know her character then. I got a job two years after my national youth service. It was a banking job. It came with its challenges but I enjoyed it. That was how our paths crossed again. She came to open an account in my branch and we recognized each other. We exchanged contacts and agreed to meet at another time. Dating her was not exactly eventful, we did have disagreements but I felt they were normal for relationships. My mother had her reservations about Demilade but she gave her blessings nevertheless. We got married a year later. It was a beautiful occasion both families were respected. The churches played big roles in the organization of the event.
My Divorce encounter
For some reason, after the wedding, Demilade refused to consummate for about a week. I wondered why; her excuse was that she was on her period and that she felt drained after the wedding. I did not get offended. I wasn’t pushy for sex. I could wait. We continued our marriage for five years but no child had come. I decided we should visit the hospital. She said I should go ahead that she had done hers already and she was clean. I felt hurt that she had done it without telling me and demanded to see the results which she produced the next day. I went ahead with mine and the doctors said I was clean too. So what was the problem? I began to feel bothered. I told my father and as a minister, he encouraged me to pray about it. I told Demilade that we should have times of prayers for the issue. She happily agreed. I still worked at the bank and had been promoted several times this meant working extra hours at times. Demilade, on the other hand, sold fabric and closed her shop early. I began to think my long hours were interfering with my ability to impregnate my wife so I decided to take my annual leave early. I wanted to surprise her, so I did not tell her until the day.
I dashed to work that morning to tidy up a few things and within three hours, I was free to go on leave. I arrived home not expecting to meet my wife at home but I saw her car and another strange car parked outside. I wondered who it was and asked the gateman ‘na madam brother’ he responded. Demilade had only one brother who was in the US and as at the last time we spoke two days back he was still there. To cut it short I found my wife with another man in a very compromising situation.
I stood shocked to my bones, I wondered if I was in a dream. Demilade began to beg and the man hastily began to get dressed. I walked out again because I would have committed murder. I left the house for two days and lodged in a hotel. I called up my close friend because I needed someone to talk to. He met me at the hotel and I told him all that transpired. He shook his head and asked if I didn’t know Demilade? She was promiscuous in school and most of her relationships ended because of her cheating. He thought she had changed after school and was surprised he was hearing all this.
Why I decided to Divorce her
I may have forgiven Demilade for cheating on me but the revelation that came shortly after that from a friend of hers made me end the marriage. She had been pregnant before we wed and had aborted it because it was not mine. Her parents begged and tried to mend us but I decided I was through with her.
It’s been six years since our divorce became final. I’m not looking forward to another marriage anytime soon. I am still living off the trauma of the first. And that is my Divorce story. Maybe someone else could be more forgiving but my sense of betrayal was too much for me to handle. One question I asked my friends though was why didn’t anyone tell me about her before and the answer was that I wouldn’t have believed them.
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